Thursday was the second anniversary of Abigayl's angel day. As Thursday approached, I had a difficult time keeping "flashbacks" from haunting me. Thankfully, I had Rowynn to tend to so I had a lot of distraction.
Last year Rusty took off work and we spent the day together. This year, Rusty took the day off of work but we decided to go out of town. We had already booked a trip to Branson for Friday through Sunday so we decided to head to Eureka Springs on Thursday and stay the night there since it would only be an hour drive over to Branson. I hope that a family getaway will be our new tradition for Abigayl's angle day. I think staying busy and being away helped the hurt not be as severe. Not to say we didn't think about her; it just helped to be away and not be dwelling in the loss.
Thursday morning we went to visit Abigayl and left her a bouquet of pink and white flowers with butterflies in the bouquet. Rusty and Rowynn had picked out a beautiful pink, clip-on butterfly that we clipped in the bouquet and they also got her a ceramic pumpkin. We left Abigayl her gifts and sat with her with her little brother. Rowynn got to touch her marker and see her pretty face.
It is always so touching to watch Rowynn touch her marker. He sees and smiles at her pictures all throughout the house. I think it helps to have pictures of her on her maker so he can recognizer her there too.
Since Abigayl's passing, it has always been hard for me to go to her spot to visit. I thought that with time it would get easier for me but it has not let up yet. I still can't go visit her with out crying and feeling the pain of her loss. Maybe it is that seeing her spot really drives home that she was real and that I really did hold her in my arms and that I really did lose a child. I love her so much but sometimes she doesn't seem real to me. My time with her was so short that it felt like in the blink of an eye she was gone.
I miss my little girl so much. My heart hurts for her and I long for and Rowynn to be able to play in the yard together. I wish I could see her interact with her little brother. I wish I could hear her talk. I wish that when we were at Branson this weekend I could have ridden a ride with her. Fed her all the junk that I ate. I wish I could have done SO many things with her.
I thank God every day for every moment I did get to spend with her. I thank God that I have the knowledge of heaven and that I have faith that when I leave this world I WILL get to spend that time with her.