Thursday, May 7, 2009

Trying to be strong....

We are coming up on two very tough days for me. One, Mother's Day and two, Abigayl's birthday.

I have been trying the whole out of site, out of mind thing for mother's day but last night all the emotions surrounding that day hit so hard. I remember last year at this time I had Abigayl growing in my belly. I could feel her kick and move and I loved watching her twist around in there. Mother's day last year, Rusty sort of forgot that I still qualified as a mom (even though the baby was in my belly) and I was excited for this year because I would have a baby to have by my side to show that I was a mom.

Well, I have a baby but she sprouted wings and flew to heaven. I don't have her by my side to hold and show off. So mother's day is a bit painful for me. I'm not sure what to do. I don't know if I should do anything for that day or not. I guess we will have to see how I feel on that day.

It brings out so much emotion, that I guess I have suppressed, because as we draw closer to the day.... there are more tears and more anxiety.


amy said...

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this pain. You seem as though you are a genuinely sweet person. I know that I am just a stranger who doesn't really know you or your family but I think that you should absolutely celebrate mother's day. God allowed you to be the wonderful mother of this precious little girl even if it was for a short amount of time. Just because he took her home to be with him doesn't make you any less of a mother. There was some reason why he took her, whether it was to spare her from something terrible that was going to happen later or to help bring someone else to Him. You are a very special mother because He chose YOU to be her mother and that IS something to celebrate. I'm sure that she would want you to know how wonderful of a mother you were to her. Good luck and I will make sure to pray for you because I know what it's like to not understand the loss of someone.

Bearbie said...

Amy said is right. You are the mother. You gave birth to Abigayl, she is in Heaven now but it doesn't mean that you are not a mother now. I read your blog, You are a wonderful Mom. Please enjoy the mother's day. Take care of yourself, relax and enjoy mother's day. Happy mother's day to you :)

AustinFamily said...

Sweetie... You will forever be Abigayl's mother. I think your Mother's day should be whatever your heart desires - if you want flowers, you get flowers, if you want a card, then you get a card, if you want something else, you get it, if you want rest, you get it. But, sweet Raychel, if you decide you don't want anything then I say that's okay too. God blessed you w/an amazing husband who loves you SO much, I believe in all my heart (from the little I know of Rusty) that he will make things perfect for you.
Girl, if you need to just go to your prayer 'spot' and cry, curl up in your Abba Daddy's lap and feel His loving, perfect, caring arms around you, then you do that!
You're an amazing mom - let me share w/you 3 reasons:
1) You have dedicated so much of your life and time to honor Abigayl's life - she will never be forgotten.
2) You talk about Abigayl - which blesses you, us, and her w/knowledge about her, smiles, and laughter.
3) I think I can make this a safe assumption - You still talk to her probably daily, she can hear you I believe. I believe she is watching over you, protecting you, guiding you, loving you.

There are many other reasons you're a great mom. There are just 3. Matt used to tell people about me "when the time is right I'll learn to be a good dad. Sarah is a mom w/o a child".
(I consider you a mother w/o a child in the physical sense, but you are definitely a mother!!!)

Hang in there girl. Know that you're loved, prayed for, and adored!