Blessing

At 3:30am, I woke up to the most amazing dream. It was bittersweet at first but amazing. I dreamt of my beautiful Abigayl and it was SO real. When I woke up I had to remember that it was just a dream. It took everything in me not to run to her nursery to check on her.

In my dream, we were eating out a restaurant. I picked her up to put her in her carrier but I decided to carry her while Rusty carried the carrier. We got in the back of some one's SUV and it was really hot for what she was wearing. She was in a pair of her footed pj's with snaps up the front and wrapped in a blanket. So, I laid her on the seat next to me and I was unwrapping her and unbuttoning her pj's, saying, "who wants to be the nakey baby?" like I used to before bath time and whenever I would change her clothes. She smiled at me with her big gummy smile. So I started kissing her neck, right under that fat cheek she had. And she smiled at me every time I did it and giggled a little. I then looked up to the people who were driving and I said, "I need to make her a doctors appointment, she hasn't been back since her 4 month check up and they told me she would probably pass away".

That's when I woke up. I think when I woke up, it was hard for me because she DID pass away after her 4 month check up. She wasn't just in the other room. I had to come to the realization that I will only get to hold her in the dreams I am blessed with until the day I can meet with her in heaven.

I'm just so thankful that I was finally able to have such a vivid dream about her. It felt so real getting to hold her and kiss her. It was such blessing since today is filled with a little more heartache.