Friday, November 28, 2008

Being Thankful

In a year like this year it can be difficult to find the things to be thankful for. There are times you just have to look around to see what God has blessed you with. It may not be a physical, tangible thing; it may just be a memory.

I am thankful for 4 amazing months with my beautiful, sweet, healthy girl, Abigayl.
I am thankful that I was able to see her roll over, both ways.
I am thankful for every gummy smile she gave me.
I am thankful that she laughed so easily for me.
I am thankful for every feeding and every dirty diaper I encountered.
I am thankful for getting to see her eat solids, even just for that one time.
I am thankful for taking the MANY pictures that I took and making the many memories we made.
I am thankful that Rusty took so many videos of her.
I am thankful that we watched all of those videos, as a family, the night before she passed.
I am thankful that Rusty came home for lunch that day and played with her.
I am thankful that my family came down from Alaska to meet her.
I am thankful that even though I did Babywise, I rocked her to sleep ALL the time.
I am truly thankful that God blessed me with her and that he has brought peace to my life so that I can muddle through this very painful process.

I could probably make an infinite list about my girl but I will spare your eyes from having to stare at the computer screen. I am not only thankful for my daughter, I am so thankful for my wonderful, amazing, sweet husband. God put the perfect man for me in my life. I am also thankful for my family, whether blood related, married into or people I just consider family.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Early Thanksgiving

While Rusty went with his brother and watched University of Oklahoma slaughter Texas Tech, I went to Sedan, Kansas to have an early Thanksgiving with family. It was really nice to see family that I hadn't seen in 10-13 years. It was great to hear what everyone has been up to and meet their families.

Sitting around just chatting
Looking at photos of family

Wondering along the yellow brick road trying to find our bricks.

Here is my brother's and some of the cousins' bricks. Linsey and I searched all the bricks but we couldn't find mine. Looks like I need to go buy a new one. Rusty and Abigayl need one anyways, so maybe we can buy a family brick! It was really great getting to eat such great home cooking, spend time with family and get to laugh. There is nothing like family during the holidays.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Six Months

Today Abigayl would have been six months. It has been a REALLY hard day. Rusty and I would always wish Abigayl "happy birthday" on her month day. So, today I had to wish her "happy birthday" graveside with flower instead of getting to hug, kiss and celebrate all the milestones she was able to achieve. I miss getting to hug and kiss her. Right now, I really wish I could see her smile at me.

I'm thankful that I am able to fall back on my faith on days like today. I have had numerous conversations with God today. He knows how it feels to loose a child and he is the only one that is able to bring me comfort on these horrible days.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Twilight :-(

As most of you know I am a HUGE fan of Stephenie Meyer's, Twilight. After much anticipation for the movie, and I mean ANTICIPATION! I would watch trailers on-line, re-watch the commercials, look at cast pics AND I am currently re-reading the series. Some friends of mine invited me to go to the midnight release of Twilight. So, last night we started out shopping, had some dinner, met up with a few more people at about 10 (there was a line of about 30 people, some of which had been there since 8!) before we joined the line at 11.

Anticipation was mounting and the line was growing. There were supposedly ~280 seats and the movie was supposed to be sold out! They told us that they would probably allow seating an hour before. Well they were wrong. They didn't start seating until 20 min before. Surprisingly we were able to sit in really decent seats. While taking it all in I noticed there were plenty of seats. I felt bad for the people that had been waiting and then to be told it was sold out. But any way, the hum of the crowd and the shouts here and there just made the anticipation grow even more.

By the time they started the previews the crowd was hooting and hollering. And that was just for the previews. It was like being in the middle of OU's stadium, during a really good game, when the movie actually started. It was nice and loud with all the screaming (you've got to love all the jr. highers and high schoolers). Finally, finally, it's here. The moment we had all been waiting for. We finally get to see Bella, Edward and all the other characters we have loved since the day we first read the books.

And then, TOTAL DISAPPOINTMENT!!! Yes, you read right. TOTAL DISAPPOINTMENT. The directing must have been horrible in combination with bad acting. It's like they barely stuck with the book. There was no character development for some of my favorite characters. More silence and funky eye "twitches"(for lack of better terms) then romance and Edwardisms. If they make the next one, I really hope they consider finding a new Bella and teach Edward not to move his eyes and over act so much. Same goes for Jasper. I'm really disappointed that Stephenie Meyer didn't stand up and take notice of the absolute catastrophe they were making of such great writing. Any way, if you have not read the series yet, do not judge the book by it's movie. The movie sucks but the books ROCK!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Jumble of Emotions

Well, we had a great weekend. Friday night we both did our own things. I had a girls night, the three of us saw Fireproof (great movie, totally recommend it) and then grabbed a bite at Los Cobos (yummy!). While Rusty went to the casino with his dad. I liked it because he actually won some money!

Saturday we had lunch with friends and I did some shopping with the girls while the men watched sports and did "manly" things. Then we went to a wedding reception. It was a really nice reception with some GREAT bbq. I'm so excited for them.

Monday was a very emotional day for me. I cleaned the house but I would have moments where I would just break down. It is so hard to go about my daily activities and not have Abigayl here. I find myself trying to clean quietly so that I don't wake her. Then it hits me all over again that she's not here. It tears my heart out every time.

Last night we went to a "getting through the holidays" grief workshop. This probably won't sound right but, it was really nice to connect with others that are going through similar emotions. I actually met a woman who lost her 2 yr old in September. Her daughter had heart failure and was going through her 3rd open heart surgery. She is also a stay-at-home mom, going through the same emptiness that I am. It is a strange thing to make friends through such a painful tragedy. Rusty and I both feel we got a lot out of the meeting.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Weekend in Brason

Well, pictures are still not installing right. So, once again you will have to view them out of order. Rusty and I went to Branson for the weekend. It was a good time. Saturday was pretty cold, I think it was in the low 40's. We went to Noah's Ark the musical before we headed to Silver Dollar City. The lights were absolutely beautiful and the show had a terrific message. One thing I love about Branson, every show and attraction (for the most part) has some message about God. I just love that there is a place to go that still talks about God and morals. All-in-all, we had a good time.

Here we are watching the parade of lights.
The silver dollar city lighted train.

This is a statue outside of the Sights and Sounds theater. I wish I could have taken pictures of the show, it was just a really neat stage set up. If you are in Branson, check out Noah's Ark the Musical.
I think the hardest part for both of us, besides wanting Abigayl to be there with us, was when we were buying her wooden roses instead of getting to buy her stuffed animals and clothes. We were reminded constantly by all the other children that were around how much we wish that we could have had more time. So we could experienced more things with her.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Pre-Halloween hot dog roast... with costumes.

For some reason my pictures keep installing backwards. I don't have the patients to fix it so you'll just have to see it out of order. These are from a hot dog roast at our neighbors house the weekend before Halloween. It was fun to see all the great costumes.

This was after we changed and went back over for a little while longer.
Rusty getting ready.... Isn't he buff?

Here we are all ready and ready to roast some hot dogs!
Before we changed into our comfy clothes I had Rusty take one good photo. It was a lot of fun to go over and be with a bunch of people. We didn't know many of them but we still had a great time getting to visit with our neighbors.

Six Flags

Oops... this is a Sea World picture.
Here we are at Six Flags. I was torn between going to Six Flags or going to the Nordstrom that we passed on the way into Six Flags!!

Taking a rest.

Around Sea World

Sea World had to much goodies... the ice cream bars and caramel apples.
That is the water ride we rode... AWESOME!

All wet and had so much fun.
Come and get the fishy.

The bird place was really pretty. Lots of colorful birds.

The water area was set up for kids. Too bad we didn't have our bathing suits.

Trying to get the dolphin's attention with a little food!

No I didn't pet it in the eye... it only looks that way.
Here fishy, fishy!!

Sea World.... beluga/dolphin show and seal show

Peek-a-boo with the beluga
See the big beluga... the little one next to it is a baby! So cute.

Swimming down below.

The dolphins were pretty.

I thought this jump was the coolest of the dolphins

The Walrus was a pretty big girl

She was cute though

Dancing seals!

Picutres of Sea World.... Shamu show

Yeah for Sea World... 20 years old.

Can you believe that 4 Orca's can fit in one tank like this? Amazing!

When they soak zone, they are not liars. I ran up the stairs to avoid being drenched. I was a major chicken that weekend.
See Shamu's bent fin?

Standing on the nose and taking a lap

So huge... it was the most incredible show I have EVER been to.

This was the finale jump. He touched his nose to the ball.

Pictures of the Alamo/Riverwalk

These are pictures from our San Antonio trip. Get ready for A LOT of pictures.

Rusty and I down at the Riverwalk. Simply beautiful. We took a boat ride on the canal and it was great.

On our way to the Alamo. It was a mosaic mural of San Antonio.

Yeah we made it. I was pretty tired from all the walking.

Us and the door to the Alamo.

Rusty said it was a little smaller than what he had imagined. I didn't like that they turned the Chapel into a gift shop.