It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas......

 Rowynn, Rusty and I went out this weekend to decorate Abigayl's spot.

 It always makes me feel good to have her spot decorated for this wonderful time of year. I just wish that she could have been here for a Christmas. I would have loved to see her reaction to all of the lights and prettiness that occurs this time of year.

 I just hope that she enjoys the little things we do. It is our way of having her be a part of this time with us. We miss her so much. As we were leaving the cemetery, it hit me that never in a million years would I have thought that at 28 years old I would be decorating my daughters resting place for the third Christmas after her birth. That is a pain that sever seizes to let up.

 But, here is the brightest spot of our Christmas season this year. He helps the pain be a little less. He gives us another focus. He gives us joy. He fills us with love.

 It always moves me to see him at his sister's place. I love watching him touch the plaque. It helps me feel that they can be "together" in some way. I know that this is the only way I'm going to have them in a picture together.

 It was nice watching Rowynn "help" his daddy decorate Abigayl's spot.

 Even though it was cold, I think he really enjoyed getting to crawl around and touch all of the pretty things.

 Abigayl's decorations on our tree....

 This ornament and the one below have been hung up on Abigayl's tree at her spot for the last two years. We decided this year to bring them in to our tree so they don't get ruined.

 We finally put up the tree! We were waiting until we bought a baby gate but after going to a friend's house and watching Rowynn ignore the tree we decided to put it up with out the gate. I am so glad we did. He does really well around it and it saved us some money!

It is so crazy to have FOUR stalkings on the fireplace this year! What even more crazy? Next year we are going to have FIVE!! Wholly moly, I am the mother of THREE children.

Make

Today's #reverb10 prompt is make. What was the last thing I made? What materials were used? Is there something you would like to make, but need to clear time for?

The last thing I made that wasn't food or that was food related?

Well, lets do both!

Non-food related:

The last thing I MADE was Rowynn's letters that hang on his wall. I used already cut letters and painted them with acrylic paint. I then hot glued on some sports related shapes that were also pre-cut and painted. After getting them painted and decorated, I hot glued the ribbon on the back to they could hang on his wall.

Food related:

I have beef stew in the crock pot for dinner tonight and right before I sat down to type I began the bread making process for homemade french bread.

The roast is stew meat, onion, carrots, celery, mushrooms, beef broth, worchestire, thyme, basil, marjoram, parsley, bay leaf and garlic. Plus a little flour, paprika, cayenne, pepper and seasoning salt.

Of course, bread is just flour, water, yeast, oil, sugar and salt. Easy, easy!

Something I want to make?

I REALLY want to learn to sew so I can make my own drapes, quilts and other crafts. Also, I want to learn to knit so I can make my own scarves and hats. I foresee many classes in my future!

10 Months!

 And messy. He decided the wipes didn't need to be in the package anymore. They REALLY needed to be on the floor. 

Never leave the wipes where Rowynn can get to them. *check*

 As soon as I pointed the camera at him he crawled, fast, to where I was standing. Sorry for all the blur.

Once he got to where I was standing, he was pulling up on my leg so he could stand with me. Little goober!

Funny thing about pulling up using my pant leg. I was in the kitchen the other day and wearing my pajama pants. Next thing I know, I have sweet Rowynn using my pant leg as a handle to help him up. As soon as he started tugging on my pant leg, my pajama pants started sliding.... downward. Yeah. No fun! Especially since my hands were all messy with some cooking going on.

Oh well, if the worst thing Rowynn does to me is pants me in the kitchen while I'm cooking, I'll take it. I know it is a lot better than other things that could be dished out!

Let Go

Oh my. This is a good one. Today's #reverb10 prompt is what or whom do you need to let go of this year? Why?

I need to let go of fear. Fear is a slap in the face to God because that is telling Him that we do not trust Him or His plan.

Fear cripples me sometimes.

I am afraid of the dark. I am terrified of failure. I hate heights (though I think God won't mind that one!). Also, ever since Abigayl passed, I'm afraid of flying, roller coasters, waking Rowynn from a nap and I hate it when my husband sleeps in. I get so uncomfortable when he sleeps late that I find myself checking on him. Making sure I can see him breath.

I know I sound crazy. I guess you, my readers, get to see the "crazy" side of me with this thought provoking daily activity!

I hope I don't scare you all away!

Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.  Isaiah 41:10

Wonder

Wow. #reverb10 came up with a thought provoking, hard one today! How did I cultivate a sense of wonder in my life this year?!

Hmmm......

Well, I don't think "I" cultivated a sense of wonder in my life this year. I think God cultivates a sense of wonder for me everyday when I look at Rowynn. I would have never thought that Rowynn and Abigayl could look so much alike. 

Moment

I have missed day one and two but I am starting with day three of #reverb10 prompts to "reflect on the year and manifest the next".

Each day they give a topic to blog about, today is moment. More specifically, a moment this year that made me feel alive.

I chose February 5, 2010. Not to say I wasn't "alive" before but a part of me was not feeling and not alive for 17 months prior to this day. At 7:30 am on February 5th, that part was alive and well. I was bursting with pride, joy, fear, love and a little moment of loss. At that moment I heard the very first cry of my sweet little man, Rowynn Russell.

Seconds later Dr. G held that sweet, little thing over the curtain so I could get my first look. He was slimy and red and screaming.

I don't blame him for the screaming. Poor thing went from a 98.6 degree cocoon to a 60 degree, bright room. On top of that he was being held over a curtain when he was used to being so tightly bound in my belly he could barely move. I TOTALLY understand the screaming!

The hard part about being a c-section mom is that after the initial look Rowynn gets taken to the other side of the room where he is cleaned up and weighed. Then he is brought over for a 2 second kiss and face cuddle before baby and hubby are whisked down the hall to the comfy room with the awaiting family. It isn't until 20 minutes later that I actually got to really hold him and examine his sweet face. The amazing part about holding Rowynn that first time and really looking him over was the uncanny resemblance to his sister.

God may not always answer ALL of my prayers, like having a girl, but he answered the one about Rowynn looking just a little bit like his sister. My amazing God didn't just make Rowynn look a little like his sister, God went beyond my beyond and made Rowynn look like he could be Abigayl's twin.

Our God is and awesome God.

THANKSgiving

 I love keepin' it real on here so, here ya have it. The morning of Thanksgiving. In all my glory. Poor Rowynn, this is the only picture he has from his first Thanksgiving! Yes, I was coloring my hair while prepping some Thanksgiving food. Yes, my 9 month old is biting on an apple. Yes, that apple may or may not have been washed at that exact moment. Don't pass judgment. You know your not perfect!!

 Thank you Old Navy for having an AWESOME black Friday sale so I could buy my lovely son this WARM jacket with hat and gloves for only $22 big ones. Old Navy helped my little man stay roasty toasty on our walk through Rhema to see their BEAUTIFUL lights display.

 This tunnel plus the lights surrounding it are all set to music. It is magical.

 I think Rowynn was more interested in the people than the lights! Maybe next year will be different for him.

 I love that he stands up and peeks out the windows. Matter of fact, I love EVERYTHING about this boy.

 My little Christmas elf.

He pulls up on what ever he can get his hands on! 

Rowynn now opens drawers and cabinets, flips the light switch, clicks his tongue and even crawls up and down low steps! He is getting so big.