Christmas with Rusty's family

After our show, we headed to my sister-in-law's house to have Christmas with his siblings, his mom and his grandma.

Rusty's trying not to win at Hungry, Hungry Hippo. I think all three nephews had a good time!
I think the nieces and nephews enjoy opening presents!!

I LOVE sweaters! So that was a perfect one for me! As for everyone else... I think they made a REALLY big mess!!

After our time with his mom, we headed to his dad's house to have Christmas with everyone there. I forgot to take in my camera on that one. But, it was nice getting to spend some time with family.

As for Christmas day, I couldn't get myself to do anything. I had a VERY hard day. Rusty was able to sleep in and once he was up we headed out to visit Abigayl. It was an emotional ride to her. It felt like losing her all over again. It was hard knowing that she wouldn't get to enjoy any of the festivities of the day. That the presents we were able to buy for her were stuffed animals that would have to be left under an outdoor tree. I wished so much that we could have her home, in our warm house. Playing with the toys that she would be able to crawl to. All I could do was cry and sleep. I spent the day in bed or vegged out in front of the television. I've had a tough time bouncing back. I'm a little sluggish but I know with God's help I will get to a place where it is easier to bare again. I want you all to know that I can feel your prayers and I appreciate all the effort that is being made to help me through this.

Christmas Eve with the Rockettes

Rusty and I decided we needed some good Christmas cheer. So, we decided to go to the Radio City Christmas Spectacular starring The Rockettes. It was AMAZING!! If they are ever in your town or you are in NY at Christmas time, it is worth it!

The Rockettes dressed like a candy cane
Getting ready to start kicking

I loved the toy soldier costume

It was really neat, they fell one-by-one, really slowly and the last one landed on a pillow!
This was probably the best part. The bus actually moved! In combination with the big screen behind it, it looked like it was really driving through the streets of NY.
The bus stopped in Central Park and there were even ice skaters!
I was finally able to get a kicking shot! It took almost the whole show.
It was the best picture I got of the girls.
They opened the curtain to all the Rockettes in a Christmas tree formation. Then they topped it off with Santa at the star point.
Another kicking shot!
I was so impressed that they had the manger. It is nice that some places show the real reason for the season.
It was a great 1 1/2 hour show with no intermission. We were both impressed and absolutely loved it.

Gifts for Abigayl/Planting a tree for Abigayl

These are some things that were bought for Abigayl for her Christmas. Nothing big or fancy but things that each year can be put up to remember her.

We bought her this stocking because it is perfect. I was forcing pink and butterflies on her from he day she was born!

Her cousin, hanging the ornament they got her on our tree.

This is the REALLY cute ornament. It is a princess crown on a pillow. It says, "In our hearts forever. Baby Abigayl. May 23, 2008.

This is the ornament that her aunt Tiff and family bought her. They just got back from a trip to Disney World. So, it is Minnie and Mickey building a snowman. It was hard to capture perfectly but it is so beautiful.

Here is her cousin, cheesing with the train... he LOVED the train!

This is Rusty's sister, brother-in-law, brother, sister-in-law and all of their beautiful children.

Rusty's siblings and their families, bought Abigayl a memorial tree for her garden. They all came up to plant it and hang some lights. It is a wonderful Leyland Cypress. It has the softest needles I've ever felt and I think it is a beautiful compliment to her garden. Now, we can have a continuous light shine in her honor.

Here they are breaking the ground.

They had to dig a good size hole because the tree was pretty big

All of the women and children watched as the men did the digging. We did sing Christmas carols while they worked. I think from now on all of us should go around caroling... we were pretty good, if I do say so myself!

That tree was in that container good!

But, they got the tree out and into the ground with no problem.

We put some snowflake shaped white lights on the tree. They looked beautiful but they are a little heavy for the tree. Soon, we will switch them over to small white lights.
It was so nice to have the family over. Especially to talk about and remember our precious angel. She is so dearly loved and so painfully missed. But, to have the time to remember her and talk about our stories was a step toward healing.

Our weekend...

What a nice weekend. I didn't really feel 100% but it was still nice to get out a little.

Saturday, we drove up to Sedan, KS to visit with family. We had lunch at grandma K's and saw an aunt and uncle I hadn't seen in about 5 years. It was nice to catch up and reminisce! It's amazing how much their kids have grown... time flies!

After lunch we headed to grandma I's to visit for a while. It's always nice to go up to that small town and visit with family. Sedan is an hour and a half away so it's not like it's a long ways... but unfortunately we don't make the time as often as we should to get up that way.

Sunday was a rough morning. I wasn't feeling well at all. After some food and rest I was finally able to get out and about after noon. We headed out to do some Christmas shopping and I happened to stumble across some boots I couldn't live with out! (see above!) They are my Steve Madden Ugg knock offs! They are just as cozy but WAY cheaper!

After some shopping we headed to Tulsa to see Abigayl and take her some ornaments for her tree. I am so thankful that all of her decorations have been able to stand up to the weather, especially the wind. But, everything is in perfect condition.

Unfortunately, it was back to the real world this morning. Rusty had to go to work and I was left home to clean and think. It's a rough realization knowing that we won't have a baby 9 months from now. It's really rough for me emotionally dealing with the loss of two dreams in such a short amount of time.

Update...

Well, I should have done this on Friday but I'm a little late. I talked to my OB on Friday and he explained the surgery to me. I guess what happened was, the egg went the wrong direction and fell out of my fallopian tube and entered my abdominal cavity. It attached to my bladder, causing an ulcer. The ulcer started bleeding which formed a blood clot on my bladder.

So, he removed all of that and Friday my pregnancy hormone level dropped to 120-130. Once that level drops to zero we should be okay to try again.

Thankfully, what happened is a freak thing and we don't have to worry about a recurrence. So, the bright side is we don't have fertility issues; just a lot of freak accidents.

Christmas tree surprise!

Rusty and I had not put up any Christmas decorations in the house this year. But yesterday, I woke up from a nap to find that my WONDERFUL husband had put up the tree and started decorating it. He said that after all we had been through we deserved to have the house decorated. So, he was going to surprise me by having it done when I woke up but instead I got to help out!

We then decided to go all out and he brought down all of our Christmas decorations and we prettied up the whole house. It is really nice to look around and see Christmas.

Our finished product.

Last year Rusty found a train to put around the tree. He finally got to set it up this year. I absolutely love it!

More pain and loss

Well, it has been a very bad last couple of days. I had some cramping Monday, when I talked to my ob's nurse she said as long as I wasn't bleeding I was okay. Tuesday I had more cramping while walking around the mall. Once again, the nurse said to take some Tylenol and rest (~2pm). I started having a lot more pain, basically unbearable, and decided to go to the walk-in clinic. Well, they were closed due to the crappy weather we have had. I didn't want to go to the ER because I though my problem wasn't ER worthy.

Finally, the pain was SO bad that I went to the ER at 12:30 am. What a waste of time! The only thing they did that helped me out was give me pain medicine at 5 am. I called my OB's on-call doctor and she said for me to come in at 8:30am. So, I checked myself out of the hospital (6am) and went home to get ready.

My OB said that all the pain I was experiencing could be and eptopic pregnancy and I wasn't far enough along to be able to see much in an ultra sound. He sent me in any way just to see what he could. He said there was a lot of fluid in my uterus and spot that worried him. He decided laproscopic surgery would be best to check every thing out.

My surgery was at 3pm yesterday. He found a large blood clot on my bladder and an ulcer. My tubes are all okay and I will talk to him tomorrow to get some of my questions answered. He thinks that most likely the egg implanted on my bladder and that is what the blood clot was. He won't know any thing for sure until I get my blood drawn tomorrow and checks my hcg levels. If the level goes up there may be something in my uterus. If the level goes down then the blood clot was for sure the pregnancy.

I thank you all in advance for your thoughts and prayers. It is a very difficult time since we lost Abigayl such a short time ago. We were so very excited to be pregnant.

Waiting for January 12th

I called Dr. Gehring's office this morning (the ob) to make an appointment. I won't be able to go in until Jan. 12th : ( I'm a little sad about that... I was hoping for sooner. So, I figure I am either almost 7 weeks or almost 3 weeks. I won't have any concrete info until my appointment. But, I will have my first picture that day too!!!!

Guess who's pregnant?!

Rusty and I found out Friday that we are expecting!

It was totally unexpected.

We are just so thankful to God for giving us such a wonderful gift.

I actually took all three, just to be absolutely sure! All three came out positive.

Abigayl's Christmas decorations

Here is how we decorated Abigayl's grave. We bought her a Christmas tree with lots of ornaments that remind us of her. We also decided to get her a grave blanket to cover part of the grave.

We are happy that we are able to decorate. It helps us feel like we are able to something for her even though she isn't here.

Cirque and Zoo

On December 7th, we went to Oklahoma City to watch Cirque Du Soleil Saltimbanco. Once again the show was awe inspiring! This was our fourth Cirque show. Still, nothing is as good as "O" in Vegas.

After the show we decided to go to the OKC zoo. It was an absolutely beautiful day for walking around. What was nice is that all of the animals were up and about.

Here are the Peacocks that greeted us when we entered.

The Rhino was so big!

Rusty with the lazy fox

The bears were SO active. They were actually playing. It is amazing to see such big animals run and play!

They came up really close to the glass... it was amazing.

The black bears were even curious! Many of the animals came right up to the glass.

This gorilla was sitting with these people. Just hanging out!

This silver back actually came up and put his hands on the glass.

If only Rusty and I could have done this together... but I was a goober on my own!

Here is the albino peacock that saw us out of the zoo. All around it was a really great day.

Of course, I had to get Rusty with the pretty frogs!

Go OU!!! Boomer, Sooner!!

Last night we went and watched the big 12 championship game at our friends house! Yeah for OU, they won!! So, now it's off to the Orange bowl for the national championship game. That at least extends Rusty's football watching for another game.... though he has to wait a month to see it.

I think I gained 10 lbs. last night! It was junk food city! Sara made a spicy rotel dip, had left over pizza and birthday cake. Then I brought lil' smokies and mac & cheese & dog casserole. It was bad for the waist line but SO good for the taste buds!!

Thanksgiving

This year we decided to have Thanksgiving at our house. For me, it was nice to have such great friends and family around, especially with what a painful day it was. Since I am not capable of making a meal that feeds the amount of people eating it, it turned out that I had TONS of left overs. (which made good soup in the days to follow!)

Our spread consisted of: for starters, yogurt and mustard filled new potatoes, veggie tray and deviled eggs.
For dinner we had: ham, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes (I found a recipe to make them in a crock pot!!), cranberry sauce (homemade, no canned here), corn bread dressing (thank you Rachel Ray), rolls and Aunt Linda brought green bean casserole and a salad.
The dessert table was GREAT, we had: pumpkin pie, pecan pie (my first one I've ever made), my sister-in-law, Tiffaney, brought peanut butter pie (Rusty's fav) and pineapple upside down cake. Megan made a pumpkin cheese ball, it was yummy, you spread it on graham crackers. Laura made ambrosia salad (made me feel like I was eating something healthy). Aunt Sheri brought blackberry wine cake, YUMMY, I've never had anything like it! And I think that rounds out the whole meal!!

Rusty's cousins (my friends): Laura and Megan

Rusty with Laura and Megan

Rusty, Rusty's mom Linda and Rusty's sister Tiffaney

Laura, Megan and I (of course I hover around the food!)

Tiffaney's son Jason

They are twins and here is Justin and Jason

Rusty's grandma Jean.

Rusty's aunts, Linda and Sheri

Well, it was the best Thanksgiving it could be. We were surrounded by people that love us and that we love back. We lit a candle and placed it on Abigayl's high chair so she was a part of the celebration. I wish she could have been there trying the new foods. It would have been fun to see her likes and dislikes.