That is the only way to describe me today. It has been one of those days where I just almost couldn't make it through. If it wasn't for my gorgeous son, I don't think I would have had much of a smile on my face nor would I have been awake for most of the day.
Thanks to a shopping trip to buy Rowynn an outfit to wear for his photo session tomorrow, I have been an absolute wreck. I think it may have started when I saw all the cute girl shoes lined up at Target. It only got worse when I went into the clothing section and was bombarded with frilly, sweet, girl outfits and slim pickings in the boys section. It really hit home how much I miss getting to dress Abigayl up in sweet outfits.
Coming home and feeling a little empty, I found myself surrounded by Mother's Day commercials and it felt like every one of them had a mom with a daughter. It just really hit home how much Mother's Day hurts for me. I know I have Rowynn and I am so thankful for him but, I do miss having my little girl. Though I have Rowynn, I still have a large part in my heart that just feels empty sometimes.
Being that it is the month of May doesn't help much either. This month is typically a hard month for me since Abigayl's birthday comes up quite quickly. It makes it to where not only do I have to make it through Mother's Day knowing I should have one more child helping me celebrate, I also have to live with "celebrating" my deceased daughters birthday. It is never easy to plan the day for the 23rd of May and this year is not much different.
I'm just praying that the rest of the weekend will be better. I know God will carry me through these hard times and I'm thankful for my faith when I have days like today.