It is amazing how weird and different pregnancy can be. With Abigayl I was constantly sick and nauseated and I didn't feel very irritable and with this one (so far) my sickness is a lot more mild (thankfully) but my emotions and irritability are so heightened.
I cry constantly. While watching a commercial or a show. I miss Abigayl like I just lost her yesterday. My heart aches with the loss I have gone through and it is difficult to deal with these feelings all over again. I stare at her pictures and her clothes and I long to hold her. I wish that I could just kiss her and lover her and make her be here with me. I know that these are selfish feelings because where she is right now is far better than this place here but I can't help it, I am her mother and I lover her so much.
I just wish I could have had more time with her. But, when would I have wanted to give her up? No matter how much time it would have never been enough. It just feels so unnatural for my child to go before me.
I know that my pregnancy hormones are very much so contributing to my hurt but it is difficult either way.
On a funny note, the only thing I wanted this morning were deviled eggs. So, at 9am I made some and ate all 6 of them (6 halves.. not 6 eggs!). They were yummy. Though, I prefer regular yellow mustard and all I had on hand was Dijon... maybe next time I can do it right!