28

First, I want to say thank you to my amazing husband for surprising me with the YUMMY cake, with beautiful pink tulips, a huge balloon, breakfast from McDonald's (before I had to head to school) and a lovely dinner at Molly's Landing. I am blessed with an amazing partner.

Friday I "celebrated" my 28TH birthday. For some reason this birthday had more of an affect on me this year. But, a lot of the holidays affected me more this year than they did last year.

Leading up to the 22ND I was dealing with a lot of emotions and issues about my age, what has happened, where I expected to be and where I am at and the hurt. Poor Rusty, I think he came home from work almost every night to a wife that was in tears about something. But thankfully I have an amazing husband who stands by my side, allows me to cry on his shoulder and gives me the reassurance I need. What an amazing man God made for me (it feels like he was made specifically for me sometimes)!

Part of what I have had a hard time dealing with is that I wish I had both of my kids physically present. I wish that I could have had a hug from Abigayl on Friday. I wish she could have wished me a happy birthday in whatever words she was using by then. Sometimes, I wish that I could really talk to her. That I didn't have to talk to thin air knowing God must let her listen to me.

Don't mistake any of my words, I know that where she is right now is a far better place than here on our crazy earth. I know that when God finds it to be my time, that I will join her and get to hug her and kiss her once again. But, being the human being that I am, I have my times that I selfishly wish she was still on this crazy earth with her mommy and daddy.

So, maybe next year, when I turn 29 I will feel a little better. God willing, I will have Rowynn there to give me hug and a kiss. I don't quite think "happy birthday" or anything remotely close will come out of his mouth at that point. But, I will have him to hold and love.